The Fleet News Service

[Maxey]

So, instead of the traditional fan-fiction stories, in this thread we post fake news related to the life of the rag-tag fleet. It can be about anything, ranging from important stuff like battles or the discovery of planets to funny gossip or just plain absurd stuff. It can either be funny or serious stuff, it's up to you, as long as it's written in a news format. It can also be about the Cylon fleet if you want.

Now, I don't have a lot of imagination for this stuff, although I may post something if inspiration comes, but don't expect much from me, I'd rather leave this for the people with more imagination.

So, that being said, post away!

[genji2000]

Excellent, excellent thread idea. My paltry effort...

Senior managers at the Cylon Hub have been ordered to divulge the consciousness access habits of every Cylon copy who has ever accessed any other copy's memories via the Mainframe, a Homeworld select committee has ruled.

The ruling comes as part of the Twos, Sixes and Eights' legal battle with Hub Management over allegations of copyright infringement.

Digital rights group the Free Consciousness Foundation (FCF) called the ruling a "set-back to and affirmation of privacy rights".

The access log, which will be handed to the Ones, Fours and Fives, contains the log-in ID of each copy, the right-eye signature (online identifier) and downloaded memory details.

Whilst the legal battle between the two factions is being contested on the Cylon Homeworld, it is thought the ruling will apply to memory users and their download habits everywhere.

The Ones, Fours and Fives, which own their own consciousnesses and those of the Threes, has alleged that the Twos, Sixes and Eights are guilty of massive copyright infringement.

The Final Five association is also seeking class action status with the Ones, Fours and Fives on the issue, alleging the Twos, Sixes and Eights, which split from the Cylon fleet some episodes ago, have used their access rights to discover the identity of the Final Cylon.

[pagad]

Haha, that's brilliant.

Good idea, this.

[genji2000]

Haha, that's brilliant.

Good idea, this.

Well you should do one, then.

[pagad]

I will when I can summon up the creativity.

[genji2000]

So, is it flowing yet? Get to work.

[Maxey]

Was Earth under an oppressive regime?


A few days after the fleet landed on the supposed planet Earth, some disturbing findings were made. What appears to be the remnants of some sort of media broadcasting tower was uncovered from deep under the rubble of the destroyed city.

Lt. Felix Gaeta was able to fix the screen and it was discovered that it contained a video recording inside, however it was very damaged.

The footage featured a middle age man apparently speaking to the citizens of this city. He sports a white beard and wears a gray suit. The audio was very damaged and only a few sentences could be understood. The few understandable sentences are:

"I elected to establish my Administration here, in the Citadel so thoug--"

"or passing through on your way to parts unknown, Welcome to City 17. It's saf--"

"Why has the Combine seen fit to suppress our reproductive cycle? Since--"

Everything else was not possible to decipher.

Dr. Gaius Baltar theorized that "this very well could be the remnants of some kind of public broadcasting enforced by an oppressive regime. The type of regime that would suppress the reproductive cycle of its citizens in order to maintain control over the population." Regarding the "Combine", Dr. Baltar adds that "it is indeed very puzzling and without further evidence, we may never know who or what the Combine are. It could be very well be the oppressing machine operating the whole regime, instilling fear and dread on its citizens."

On a possibly related note, it was also discovered a human skeleton near the location of the tower. It was wearing a white gas mask and had a deep hole on the cranium. Upon further investigation by Dr. Cottle, it was discovered that it may have been caused by a severe force trauma from a crowbar.

[pagad]

LOL

To be honest, Gordon Freeman would be quite at home in BSG...considering all the blunt trauma wounds.

[pagad]

So I thought I'd have a quick go at doing a "proper" report.


BY COLONIAL MILITARY CORRESPONDANT D’Anna Biers

The Fleet News Service has received word of a great victory in an military operation against the Cylons, conducted by the battlestar Galactica and the newly-arrived battlestar Pegasus.

Details have yet to be released, but a military spokesman from the Galactica confirmed that the battle, the second offensive action undertaken by Colonial forces against the Cylons since the battle to procure more fuel for the fleet, was conducted to cripple Cylon resurrection capabilities. The implications of this development are enormous considering that before this Cylons were effectively impossible to kill permanently.

Colonial casualties have yet to be released, but are light, according to the spokesman. Commander Adama and Admiral Cain were not available for comment. There has been some concern in the fleet regarding the conduct of Pegasus personnel, with several ships refusing to resupply Pegasus until their own needs had been satisfied. As Commander Adama is no longer the military authority in the fleet, this has raised fears that the civilian fleet will continue to be neglected by the military. President Roslin was unavailable for comment.

[genji2000]

Liking it.

[fr33lancer]

On the campaign trail today, incumbent President Lee Adama criticized his opponent Tom Zarek, calling his plan for “free housing” on Earth a “pipe dream” and calling into question where all the labor for the new housing would come from.

“Mr. Zarek’s plan for every person to have palatial mansions on a planet that still doesn’t have an adequate defense force in place is irresponsible.” The president said amongst the ruins of a once bustling Earth city called New York.
“We have already built three housing units which can accommodate up to five hundred people. Not large numbers I know, but it’s a start. More importantly is the fact that there are new water and waste processors in use and two power generators with a 10 gigajoule output capacity each.”

Mr. Zarek accused the President of creating internment camps for the civilians while the crew of Galactica lived in lavish comfort.
“Have you been to the new officers club on Earth?” Zarek asked the pool of reporters standing along side one of the several cargo containers that recently arrived from orbit.
“They have not one, not two, but three Pyramid courts. Now if the crew of Galactica would stop playing Pyramid and start building up some of the infrastructure of our new home, then maybe you and I could spend more time away from our quarters and more time on planet. This is a travesty”.

Asked to reply to Mr. Zarek’s accusations the President replied, “They’re not much to look at, just a couple of rusty cages and a flat court. We all need to burn off some steam sometime.”

In other news: The first Human/Cylon hybrid steps were taken today by little…..

[Osprey]

doesn't that presuppose that zarek WANTS to run for president? i figger he gave up on that finally when Lee was appointed ...

[fr33lancer]

doesn't that presuppose that zarek WANTS to run for president? i figger he gave up on that finally when Lee was appointed ...


No predictions or presuppositions man... just a little blather and humor.

[genji2000]

No predictions or presuppositions man... just a little blather and humor.

Which is the point of this thread I think. Nice story. I liked it, though I was confused by this:
In other news: The first Human/Cylon hybrid steps were taken today by little…..
Which happened long before Lee became president.

[fr33lancer]

Which happened long before Lee became president.

Man you're so correct. As soon as I read your post I had the image of Hera walking down the corridor with Sharon. Duh!